limbin’ Cfjrougi) 


A COMEDY-DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 

-BY- 

ROSS FARQUHAR 







S' \ • ' 


Price 35 Cents 


v « 


.•V 


Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio 2 ml Denver, Colo. 

944 So. Logan Street 






















-, -;- 

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Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 









A Comedy-Drama in Three Acts 


By ROSS FARQUHAR 

Author of 

“Anne of Ann Arbor” and “Along Came Bud.” 



Copyright, 1922, Eldridge Entertainment House. 


PUBLISHED BY 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 

DENVER, COLO 


FRANKLIN. OHIO 





Cast of Characters 
* 



I 


Matthew King —Ex-service man in hard luck. 
Nathan Morris —Editor of The Globe. 

Patty Morris—H is daughter. 

Aunt Alice —Nathan’s sister. 

MAYSIE^-The maid. 

Andrew—T he house man. 

Mrs. Quigley —The sheriff. 

Grimes —Representative of Trades Council. 

Mrs. Quigley, the female sheriff, is dressed very “man¬ 
nish,” wears a star and carries a heavy cane. 



Terms of Royalty 
* 

This play is protected by copyright and the rights of 
presentation are given only upon compliance with the 
following conditions: 

Royalty for each performance.$5.00 

Royalty payable before performance. 

©CID 63206 

DEC 30 ml tmp9 6-C07307 

«U0 | 



Climbin’ Through 


■V 


V. 


ACT I. 

Scene—Living room in home of Nathan Moms. 
Time — Evening. As curtain rises, enter Maysie, with 
flyswatter in hand. She walks from place to place , seek¬ 
ing imaginary flies, straightening magazines or books on 
the library table, adjusting and arranging draperies, etc., 
wettng her finger and rubbing spots on window pane. 
After srvatting a few flies , she spies a box of candy on 
library table. She takes gum from her mouth and sticks 
on the top of table, and , after glancing cautiously about , 
pilfers some of the candy . Many amusing stunts in pan¬ 
tomime may be invented by an ingenious director. After 
about sixty seconds, phone rings. Maysie ansivers. 

Maysie —Hello. * * Yes, sir. * * Yes, sir. * * 
No, sir. * * I’ll see, sir. * * Yes, sir. * * Yes, sir. 
{Bows to instrument, as she leaves the room , R .) {After 
few moments, enter Nathan Morris, followed by Maysie, 
who continues her campaign against the flies, at the same 
time obviously listening to the conversation .) 

Morris —(at phone) Hello. * * This is he. * * 
Really? * * Well, I suppose I will have to come down, 
then. * * Goodbye. ( Hangs up.) I guess I never will 
have an evening at home. Always, when I plan an even¬ 
ing with Patty, someone has to throw a monkey wrench 
into the machinery and they think I have to be there be¬ 
fore they can get started again. Running a newspaper 
is a great life—if you can stand it, Maysie. 

Maysie—Y es, sir, it is. 

Morris-— How do you know it is? 



4 


Climbin' Through 


Maysie —You said so, sir. 

Morris —( smiling ) Do you believe everything I 

say, or do you just pretend to believe it in my presence? 

MaysiE:—( swatting vigorously at fly ) Yes, sir. 

(Enter Patty, R.) 

Patty —Dad, don’t you want to go to the concert to¬ 
night? 

Morris —Can’t do it, girlie. I’d like mighty well to 
go, but I must go down to the office for a while. 

Patty —Work—always work. I think the life of an 
editor is nothing more nor less than slavery. You never 
are free. Even when you have an evening at home, you 
spend it in thinking and planning and in your sleep you 
dream about the old paper. Yet you say you like it. 

(Exit Maysie, R.) 

Morris —Of course I like it. I have liked it since 
the day I started, when I was the kid of all work on the 
Chronicle, under old man Bates—the devil was my shop 
title, then. 

Patty —But you always told me that Bates was so 
mean to you—it is a wonder you stayed with it. 

Morris —1 had to stay. In the first place, I needed 
the two-fifty per v/eek, and in the second place, the smell 
of the printers’ ink got into my system, and—well I had 
to stay. 

Patty —But, Daddy, I think you work harder than 
is necessary, now that you own the paper. Why don’t 
you get a good man to write your old editorials and rest 
a little? You could tell him what you want him to write 
about, couldn’t you? 

» 

(Door bell rings. Enter Maysie, R. Goes to cloor L. 
and following one-sided conversation is heard:) 

Maysie —What name shall I give? 

(Pause.) 

Maysie—W ell, I can’t let you in, unless you tell me. 





Climbin' Through 


5 


< Pause.) 

Maysie— You want to see what? 

(Pause.) 

Maysie— What vase? 

(Pause.) 

Maysie —Man alive! Are you crazy? You'd better 
move on or I’ll call a cop—that’s what I’ll do. (Slams a 
door off stage.) 

(Eater Maysie, L.) 

Morris —What was the disturbance, Maysie? 

Maysie —Some queer customer trying to get in to 
see you. 

Morris—W hat sort of a fellow was he? 

Maysie — Looked like a tramp. 

Morris—D id he state the object of his visit? 

Maysie —He said he wanted to see your vase. 

Morris— (guzzled) Vase? 

Maysie —Yes, sir, your vase. That’s what he said. 
(Exit R.) 

Morris —I don’t quite understand it, Patty. 

Patty —Nor do I, Daddy. Sounds rather queer. 

Morris— Oh, well— 

Patty—W ell, as I was saying, couldn’t you tell a 
man what to do, up there in your office? 

Morris —Sure. Easiest thing in the world. 

Patty —Then, why don’t you? 

MORRIS — I could tell him, easy enough, but, daugh¬ 
ter of mine, telling him and getting him to do it are two 
different propositions. I have built The Globe from the 
ground up, and it is a part of me—a living, breathing 
part— and I am a part of it. If I had a man at my desk, 
he would want to reshape my policies and my methods. I 
worked like a galley slave for several years to build it, and 
I have everything fixed for you, should anything happen 
to me. So, with no material worries, I am going to run 




6 


i Climbin' Through 


the paper and shape its policies in my own sweet way, 
even if I wreck it. 

Patty—( going to him and 'putting her arm about 
his shoulder ) Of course. Pm proud of you, Dad, but I do 
wish you could play a little more. (Runs hand through 
his hair.) You are getting some gray ones up there, you 
know. 

Morris—I do wish I had a fellow whom I could trust 
to do my work, one who could take orders and execute 
them, without asking a lot of fool questions. 

Patty— Maybe you’ll find him some day. I hope so. 

Morris— ( rising and patting her shoulder) So do I, 
Patty. I must be going now. You’re not afraid, are you? 

Patty— No. Aunt Alice is up in her room, knitting, 
and Maysie and Andrew are here. 

Morris—A ll right. See you later. So long. 

Patty—S o long, Daddy. 

(Exit Morris , L., as Patty throws kiss at him.) 

(She walks to window) and apparently looks at him 
as he goes down street.) 

Patty:—I wonder why he didn’t order the car. 

(Enter Andrew in a very precise manner. He stands 
at attention until Patty turns toward him.) 

Patty—W hat is it, Andrew? 

Andrew —I have a favor to ask of you, Miss Morris. 

Patty—W hat is it? 

Andrew—I have finished my work and would be 
very grateful if you would excuse me for the remaining 
hours of the evening. 

Patty—W ell, I was going out for a while, and I dis¬ 
like leaving Aunt Alice alone, but—would you mind tell¬ 
ing me why you want off this evening? 

Andrew—N ot at all, Miss Morris. I am supposed to 
read a paper before my club tonight. 

Patty—W hat club is that? 




Climbin' Through 


n 


Andrew —The Searchers. 

Patty —Oh! That sounds so intellectual. What is 
the subject of your paper? Pardon my curiosity. 

Andrew —“The Ultimate of the Absolute.” 

Patty —( throwing up her hands ) Shades of Plato 
and Socrates! And you a servant! 

Andrew —Honorable servitude is no disgrace. Miss 
Morris. There must always be some to command while 
others serve. 

Patty —True enough. Yes, Andrew, I will excuse 
you. By the way, Andrew, do you know why father did¬ 
n't use the car to go to his office? 

Andrew—I asked him for the use of it this evening, 
ma’am. 

Patty— Oh-h-h! ( Rising inflection.) All right, An¬ 
drew. Will you tell me about your meeting tomorrow? 

Andrew —Certainly, Miss Morris. (Bows. Exit R.) 

Patty —Evidently we are entertaining—or rather 
employing—philosophers, unaware. He does seem a tri¬ 
fle queer at times. I’d like to hear that— 

(Enter Maysie.) 

Maysie—M iss Morris. 

Patty—Y es? 

Maysie —Could you get along without me tonight? 

Patty —Why, I suppose I could. What’s the occa¬ 
sion? Do you belong to the Searchers Club, too? 

Maysie —No, ma’am, that’s not the name of it. 

Patty —Oh, then you do belong to something? Well, 
I see it’s up to me to get busy and study, in order that I 
may converse intelligently with the people around this 
house. What is the name of your club, or association, or 
whatever it is? 

Maysie^ —The Community Jazz Club. 

Patty —At least, I believe I can understand what 
that means. You dance, I presume. 




8 


Climbin’ Through 


Maysie —I'll say we dance, and—I beg your pardon 
—I forget myself at times. 

Patty— ( smiling) All right, Maysie. You may go. 
I’ve half a notion to go along—that is, I mean—I wish I 
could, but, you know, Daddy doesn’t approve. 

Maysie —Thank you, Miss Patty. 

Patty —Doesn’t Andrew dance? 

Maysie —I think not. He seems to be always study¬ 
ing and seldom has time for such. But, he is going to 
stop in and come home with me tonight. 

Patty—F ine. 

(Exit Maysie, R.) 

Patty — (walking about the room) It isn’t so bad 
•—being a servant. They seem to have a mighty good 
time around here, anyway. I wish 1 could slip out some 
night and join in one of their frolics. Here I am, with 
no one to talk to. Daddy’s at work. Aunt Alice has a 
case of nerves and mustn’t be bothered. I stay here, like 
a stick, while the maid and the house man go out and en¬ 
joy every minute. Well, I guess it’s up to me to entertain 
myself. I think I’ll give up the concert tonight and go 
to the picture show. (Picks up purse and opens it, count¬ 
ing change.) I guess I have enough change. (Puts on 
hat and prepares to leave. Goes to door and calls.) Aunt 
Alice! I’m going down the street to the picture show. 
I’ll lock the street door. So long. (Patty leaves her 
purse on the library table. Turns out light. Exit L.) 

(In a jew moments, a flashlight appears at window 
at, rear of stage. The windoiv is stealthily opened. Mat 
King climbs over the sill and enters the room, leaving , 
window up. Switches on the light. Seats himself in a 
chair. He ivears the coat of a khaki uniform. Fans him¬ 
self with cap,) 

Matthew —Phew! Talk about thrills! Going over 
the top was child’s play compared to climbin’ through 
that window. Why my heart’s making so much noise I 
can't hear my watch tick, and it’s only a dollar one, too. 




Climbin’ Through 


9 


I hope Aunt Alice doesn’t drop in and spoil the game. 
Edmonds never mentioned the aunt. ( Looks around the 
room.) Now, to find that vase. ( Sees vase on mantle.) 
Ah! That must be it. ( Goes over and carefully picks L 
vase off of mantel and examines it.) Now, I can’t see 
anything so wonderful or out-of-the-ordinary about this 
piece of crockery—but orders are orders, and this means 
a few square meals for Matt, if he delivers the goods. 

(Places tht vase on table where Maysie placed chewing 
gum; takes pencil and pad f rom pocket and writes.) And, 
when it comes to descriptions I sure do shine. I guess 
my newspaper training wbll come in handy here. 

. (His back is toward the door, L, and he does not see 
it open, as Patty enters L.) . 

(Patty claps her hand to her mouth and looks on as¬ 
tonished.) 

Patty —( after a pause) Well? 

Matt — (jumping to his feet) What on—Beg par¬ 
don, Miss, I didn’t hear you come in. Won’t you sit down ? 
I’ll be leaving in a moment—as soon as I finish a bit of 
work. 

Patty _Well, who are you, and what are you doing 

here? 

Matt _Me? Oh, of course, you don’t know me. Par¬ 

don the oversight. I’m Matthew King. I am writing a 
description of this valuable vase for which effoit I am 
to receive the princely remuneration of ten dollars and a 
good job. Oh, I’m a bear-cat on writing descriptions. I 
used to write the society stuff on The Herald before Un¬ 
cle Sam and I butted in on the Kaiser’s frolic. 

Patty —That’s some story, you peddle around. Did 
you think you could get away with it? 

(Aunt Alice appears at door R, unseen by Matt. She 
disappears almost immediately, and a door offstage is 
heard to close. Matt starts and looks around.) 

Matt _Perhaps I’d better be going but, fust I 

must finish my task. Don’t talk to me. I never could 






10 


Clim bin’ Th rough 


work while anyone talked to me—especially, one of the 
opposing sex. 

(Matt sits down and resumes .his writing . Patty 
looks on stupefied. He finishes in a few moments and as 
he puts pad on the table , door L. opens and Aunt Alice 
enters , followed by Mrs. Quigley. Matt puts vase on the 
chewing gum left by Maysie.) 

Mrs. Q.—What’s up here? 

Patty —I started down the street, and having for¬ 
got my purse, returned to get it, and found this man mak¬ 
ing himself at home. I don’t know how he got in. 

Mrs. Q.— (looking about room ) I guess he climbed 
through. ( Points to ivindow.) Where’s Mr. Morris? 

Aunt Alice —He’s on his way home, now. I tele¬ 
phoned him just before I saw you. I expect him at any 
time now. 

Matt —Madam—or should I say, Mrs. Officer—it 
may appear to you that I climbed through that window 
with no good motive, but if you will call at the office of 
D. G. Edmonds, Publisher, in the morning, we will reas¬ 
sure you. I’ll be there at 8:30 sharp. 

Mrs. Q.—At 8:30 you’ll be eating breakfast at the 
expense of the city, down to the jail—that’s what you’ll 
be doing. 

Matt —Eating breakfast at the city’s expense would 
be rather nice, at that. But, seriously, you wouldn’t be 
so unkind. Why—I w^ould never forgive you. 

Mrs. Q.—Nobody’s askin’ your forgiveness, are 
they ? 

Matt—B ut I haven’t stolen anything. 

Mrs. Q.—Makes no difference. You entered this 
house by force, and in the night-time, an’ that’s burglary, 
and means a trip to state’s prison. 

Matt —Do they feed you well, there? And furnish 
your clothes? 

Mrs. Q.—They do. And there’s no unemployment 
problems, neither. 






Climbin’ Through 


11 


Matt-—J ust the same as in the army, eh? 

Mrs. Q.—I don’t believe you was in the army. My 
own private opinion is you stole or bought that coat at a 
fire sale. Anyhow, you’ll go with me, as soon as Mr. 
Morris comes, and—there he is now, I reckon. 

(Footsteps outside. Door opens. All turn to look 
as Mr. Morris enters. As they turn, Matt leaps to win¬ 
dow and out. Mrs. Q. runs to window, peers out, then i 
runs back to table, then to window again and jumps out 
of window.) 

Morris —What’s the matter here? 

Aunt A.—Why, we’ve got a burglar, Nathan. 

Patty — Had, him, you mean. But, anyhow, he wasn’t 
a burglar, at all. 

Aunt A. —Not a burglar? Well who on earth would 
come climbing through the window, just when he sup¬ 
posed everybody had gone out, but a burglar. 

Morris —What makes you think he wasn’t a burglar, 
Patty? 

Patty —Well, in the first place, he wasn’t trying to 
steal anything. My purse is right here on the table, 
where I left it. It had my diamond ring in it, and a little 
change, and I’ll venture to say it hasn’t been touched. 
( Picks up purse and examines contents.) Everything is 
here, just as I left it. ( Leaves ring lying on table.) In 
the second place, he was too nice looking. 

Morris—W hat do you imagine he wanted? 

Patty —He told me. 

Aunt A.—What did he tell you? 

Patty —That he was employed by a man named Ed¬ 
monds, to get a description of that vase. And when I 
came in he was busy writing it. 

MORRIS —Edmonds—why, I know that fellow. He 
conducts a little magazine called The Antique, and he has 
often hinted for an invitation to the house, but I never 
felt inclined to ask him—not just the sort of fellow I’d 




12 


Climbin' Through 


care to get chummy with. Now, there might be some¬ 
thing to the fellow’s story. You know there was a man 
tried to get past Maysie this evening, to see a vase. 

(Enter Mrs. Q., out of breath , through the open win¬ 
dow.) 

Aunt A.—Did you find him? 

Mrs. Q.—No—he’s gone entirely. 

Patty—H ere’s his writing pad. ( Holds it up.) 

Morris—( taking pad) Sure enough. 

Mrs. Q.—Well, Mr. Morris, I’ll be going now, and 
make my report to headquarters. We’ll get him yet. 
Good evening. ( Touches hat.) 

Morris—S o long Sheriff. 

(Exit Mrs. Q., L.) 

Patty—O h, this is getting interesting, Dad. 

Morris—I t begins to have the earmarks of a mys¬ 
tery. (Laughs.) She’s some sheriff, all right. 

Aunt A.—Mystery, your foot! It’s just a plain case 
of second story work by a clever lad , who pulled a trick 
to throw you off. 

MORRIS—I can’t believe that the fellow actually in¬ 
tended to steal. At any rate, I shall call on Edmonds in 
the morning, and see if I can verify the story. 

(Noise at window. All turn to look and Matt comes 
over the sill.) 

Matt— (smiling and bowing) Pardon me, but I 
forgot my pad, my manuscript, you know, and without it 
my whole evening would be wasted—and I might miss 
my breakfast. 

Morris—W ill you please explain all this— why you 
climb in and out of my window at will, and then have the 
nerve to come back after being chased by our sheriff? 

Matt She didn t chase me. She just thought she 
did. I was sure you’d hear me giggling—you know I 
was right under the window, there, all the time. And 







Climbin’ Through 


13 


the clear lady nearly jumped on my head as she went out 
the window. 

Morris —My daughter has told me of the pretty lit¬ 
tle fairy tale you gave her, of coming in to get a descrip¬ 
tion of a vase. Now, young fellow, sit down and tell me 
the truth. < . 

Matt —That’s the truth, as sure as I live. {Sits.) 

Aunt A.—Nathan, shall I phone headquarters? 

Morris —Wait. Now, Mr.— 

Matt—K ing, sir—Matthew King. 

Morris —Mr. King, I feel half inclined to at least 
pretend that I believe your story. Now, please tell me 
why you adopted such unconventional methods of inter¬ 
viewing the vase. 

Matt —Well, to begin at the beginning—I am broke. 
I’ve looked high and low for a job—but without effect. 
Occasionally I do a little writing, but the money I get 
for it wouldn’t pay for a Chinaman’s personal laundry. 
Today, I stepped into Edmond's office, and told him I 
used to work on a newspaper, and asked him if he 
could give me a job—just enough to buy a few eats and 
a haircut. He was sympathetic. He bought my supper, 
paid for a haircut, and then offered me ten dollars to get 
the description of that (pointing) vase. I had to have 
the money, so not caring to take any more chances of 
failure, 1 adopted the sure-thing method and climbed in 
through the window. 

Morris— Weren’t you afraid of being caught? 

Matt— 1 knew if I were arrested, I should be fed, at 
least—but in my last steady job, I got into the habit of 
obeying orders, and I guess I still have it. ( Picks up the 
vase and sets it dozen over Patty’s ring.) 

Morris—W here v^as that? 

MATT—With the A. E. F. in France—Third Divi¬ 
sion. 


Morris—O h! 






14 


Climbin' Through 


Patty —Then, that is your coat you’re wearing. 

Matt—I t sure is. 

Morris—I believe you, King—but, even if I knew it 
were a lie—that coat would save you. My boy wore one 
like it. He— (Pauses.) 

Matt— (sympathetically) They got him? 

Morris—Y es. 

(Silence for a few moments.) 

Matt — (rising) Well, I want to apologize for the 
excitement I have created. And thank you for your kind¬ 
ness to me. (Moves toivard door.) 

Morris— (putting up his hand) Wait. Did I under¬ 
stand that you once worked on a newspaper? 

Matt—Y es. 

Morris —Well, you know a, little about the game, 
then, don’t you? 

Matt—A little. I’ve done all that is to be done, 
from sweeping out to writing editorials and feeding the 
press. 

Morris —Would you like to go to work on The 
Globe ? 

Matt—W ould I? Ask me again. Would I? 

Morris—C ome around in the morning and see me. 

Matt —Well, I wonder if I won’t. (Starts to shake 
hands , then suddenly stops.) Pardon me. 

Morris— (taking his hand) Glad to shake with you. 
You are the first man I’ve seen in a long time who could 
and would obey orders, without question. 

Matt —Good night, Mr. Morris. I’ll be there. 

Patty-— (coming forward and offering her hand) 
Good night, Mr. King. 

Matt— (taking her hand timidly) Good night, Miss 
Morris. (Turns to Aunt Alice, who tilts her nose and sails 
out of the room.) Well, what do you know about that? 
I can’t blame her. (Takes cap and pad and goes out L.) 





Ctim bin’ Throngh 


15 


Morris —Like a page of fiction, Patty. 

Patty—S tranger than fiction, 7 think. Wasn’t he 
grand ? 

Morris — (laughing heartily ) Grand! Ha, ha, ha! 
He looked very commonplace to me. 

Patty —But he had two wound stripes on his arm— 
and —and, he is so brave and—and—so— 

Morris —So nervy. 

Patty —Yes, nervy—only I’d rather call it ambi¬ 
tious. He seemed so chuck full of—of—of initiative. 

Morris —Yes—the kind of initiative that lands one 
in the seats of the mighty—or in jail. 

Patty —And, Daddy, I believe he is just the sort of 
man you have been looking for, to take charge of your 
work when you want a day off, you know. 

Morris —Yes, Patty, that would be fine—but—well— 

Patty —Why don’t you try it out? 

Morris —Perhaps I will—some time. I’ll see what’s 
in him first. 

Patty—I just know he could do it. 

Morris—Y ou seem to have a great deal of confi¬ 
dence in this young burglar. 

Patty—W ell, he impressed me, so to speak, by his 
direct methods. 

(Enter Andrew, R.) 

Patty —Why, Andrew, what brings you back so 
early ? 

Andrew—T he meeting was called off. Miss Morris. 

Morris—A ndrew, you may close up the place for the 
night. I am going to retire. 

Andrew^— Very well, sir. Good night, sir. 

Morris— Good night. 

PATTY^Good night. 

Andrew"— Good night, Miss Morris. 

(.Exeunt Potty and Morris , R.) 




16 


Climbin' Through 


(Andrew pulls dozen curtains, puts the room in or¬ 
der and locks doors and windows. He is about to turn 
out light when Patty hurriedly enters the room and fran¬ 
tically picks up purse and looks in it, then under different 
objects on the table. Andrew looks at her, puzzled. Aft¬ 
er a fruitless search , Patty sinks into chair and cover sf 
her face with her hands.) 

Andrew—M ay I be so bold as to ask what troubles 
you. Miss Morris? 

Patty—C all Father and Aunt Alice. 

(Exit Andrew, P.) 

(Patty rises and paxes the floor and wrings her 
hands.) 

Patty—O h! it can’t be true. He looked so honest. 
There must be some explanation. Yet, it w r as here wdien 
I came home—now it’s gone. 

ai 

(Enter Morris, Aunt Alice and Andrew, R.) 

Morris—N ow r , what’s up, Patty? 

Patty—I t’s gone! It’s gone! 

Morris—W hat’s gone? 

Aunt A.—Yes, w r hat’s gone? 

Andrew—M ay I ask, what’s gone? 

Patty— ( drops her head in her hands, and cries de¬ 
spairingly) My diamond ring is gone! 

CURTAIN 

* 

ACT II. 

Scene—Same as Act I. Next morning. Andrew and 
May sic are working spasmodically as curtain rises. An¬ 
drew sits down and Maysie continues her dusting. 

Mays IE—Have a good time last night, Andy? 

Andrew—V ery good. And you? 




Climbin' Through 


17 


Maysie —Swellest ever. Andy, don’t you like to 
dance ? 

Andrew—I can’t say that I care for it. 

Maysie —You would if you’d try it. 

Andrew—•( rising and coming nearer) I might if 
you would teach me. 

Maysie—T hink so? 

r' 

Andrew' —It is more than probable. 

Maysie—I’ m not a very good teacher. 

Andrew' —You could teach me better than any other 
person could. 

Maysie —Say, are you trying to make love, Andy? 

Andrew —T’m trying not to—but I’m failing. May¬ 
sie, ever since you’ve been here, I’ve wanted you more 
than anything else in my life—I’d give up my job for you. 

Maysie —Not much, you wouldn’t. You’d keep it if 
you had me. 

Andrew'—( brightening ) Then I may hope? 

Maysie—N o law against hoping. 

Andrew —Then tell ‘ me, now—at once—here—this 
moment. Will you marry me? 

Maysie —( dusting ) Oh, I guess so. 

(Andrew starts toward her. There is a noise off¬ 
stage and they immediately get busy.) 

Andrew — (after a few moments) It’s very strange 
about that ring. 

Maysie — (working rapidly) I’ll say it’s strange—I 
-wonder where my chewing gum got to. I left it right 
here on the corner of the table. 

Andrew— That’s hardly the proper place to leave 
it. Do you think so? 

Maysie —Oh, no, but I wanted a bite of candy, so I 
just parked it here for a minute and then forgot it. Oh, 
well, it was pretty well worn, anyway. But what about 
Miss Patty’s ring? 




18 


Climbin' Through 


Andrew— It’s gone. 

Maysie—Y es, stupid, I know it's gone. But where? 

Andrew—T hat’s the queer part. I understand that 
there was a young man entered through that window, 
(: points ) and when discovered by Miss Morris, insisted 
that he had come to get a description of that vase on the 
mantel. 

Maysie—T hat thing there? 

Andrew" —The very same. 

Maysie —I’ll bet it was the same fellow that tried to 
get in earlier in the evening. Did anybody believe him? 

Andrew —It appears that Mr. Morris and Patty 
both believed his story. 

Maysie —Well for the love of Mike! Of all the silly 
tales. Did they call the police after they found the ring 
was gone? 

Andrew—N o. 

Maysie —Well, why not? Will you tell me that? 

Andrew —Mr. Morris would not allow it. He said 
the young man had promised to return this morning. 

Maysie— Well, who would have thought old Morris 
would be that soft? 

(Door bell rings. Maysie goes out L. to open door 
in hall. As she conies back , King follows her in. Andrew 
has his back to door and as Maysie goes out R, to call 
Morris, he turns and faces Matt. They look at each oth¬ 
er a moment in surprise. Then they rush together, Matt 
saluting first, Andrew returning the salute. They grasp 
hands.) 

Matt —Captain Andy. 

Andrew —^Climbin’ Through, as I live. 

Matt—W here in blazes did you come from? 

Andrew"— r-May I put the same query to you? 

Matt —You may, old top. I just fell in here last 
night and sort of got acquainted with the folks and made 
a date for this morning. 




Climbin' Through 


19 


Andrew — (dazed) What! 

Matt —Yes. I suppose you’ve heard about it—my 
coming in through the window, and all that, you know. 

Andrew—A nd you came back—after that? 

Matt —Sure I came back. I couldn’t let anything 
like that slip, could I? 

Andrew —Well, King, you know I’m your friend, 
even if I was your captain, but— (whispers to Matt.) 

Matt —( loudly) The ring! What ring? What are 
you talking about? 

Andrew — (putting finger to Ups) Sh-h-h! Not so 
loud. If you want my help, you must not get excited. 

Matt — (subsiding) But, what’s it all about? 

Andrew —Well, last night, after I returned, Miss 
Patty discovered that her ring—a large diamond—was 
missing. Of course your unconventional entrance, and 
all that, had a tendency to throw suspicion upon you. 

Matt —Did they really think I took the bloomin’ 
thing? I couldn’t have eaten a diamond, as hungry as I 
was. 

* 

Andrew —Well, they all seemed a bit suspicious, 
with the possible exception of Mr. Morris. He wouldn’t 
allow them to summon an officer. 

Matt- —Bully for Morris. But what I can’t under¬ 
stand— 

(Enter Morris , R.) 

Morris — (pausing and looking at King) Well? 

Matt —( advancing) Good morning, Mr. Morris. 

Did I come too early? 

Morris—N o. On the contrary, I was getting a tri¬ 
fle impatient. 

Matt —Good. It pleases a fellow to know his serv¬ 
ices are in demand. 

Morris — (sitting) Sit down. (Points to chair.) 

(Matt sits. Andrew remains standing behind Mor¬ 
ris, fating Matt.) 





20 


Climbin' Through 


Matt —Say, before we go any further, would you 
mind telling me— 

(Andrew puts finger to lips.) 

Matt—( scarcely hesitating) —just what is expected 
of me? 

Morris—W e’ll talk about that later. I have a few 
questions to ask first. 

Matt—F ire away. 

Morris—A fter leaving here last night, where did 

you go? 

Matt —I made a bee line for the Gem restaurant, 
and ordered about thirty-six square inches of beefsteak, 
French fried potatoes, a cup of coffee and some pie. 

Morris —Did you stop at any pawnshops, after that? 

Matt —No. I didn’t see anything in any of them 
that looked good to eat, or I might have stopped. 

Morris —Then you didn’t happen to find any extra 
jewelry on your person? 

Matt —All the extra jewelry I ever possessed has 
long since been found and disposed of to the most liberal 
pawnbroker I could locate. But, I don’t— 

Morris —While you were here, last evening, do you 
remember seeing my daughter examining the contents of 
her purse ? 

Matt—Y es. 

MORRIS: —And you remember, perhaps, that her 
money was there as she had left it, as was her diamond 
ring ? 

Matt-— 1 remember. 

Morris —Well, shortly after your departure, the dia¬ 
mond was missing. After you left, the only person in 
this room, alone, was Andrew. And in a few moments 
after we left the room, Patty came back to get her ring, 
and it was gone. 

Matt —Funny proposition. I couldn’t believe old 
Andy would steal a pin. 







Climbin’ Through 


21 


Morris — (surprised) You’re acquainted? 

Matt —Went through the war together. 

Morris —Is that true, Andrew? 

Andrew—I t is, sir. I knew him as Matthew King 
more familiarly as “Climbin’ Through.” 

Morris —Uh, huh! Very appropriate title. Had you 
seen each other recently? 

Matt —Not until a few minutes ago, when I came in. 

Morris —Last night, young fellow, I believed in you 
and had made up my mind to help you. But the disap¬ 
pearance of the diamond will have to be satisfactorily ex¬ 
plained. I don’t want to call in the police, but—well, it’s 
up to you fellows. 

(Enter Patty. Morris and Matt rise.) 

Patty— (coolly) Good morning. 

Matt —Good morning, Miss Morris. 

(Patty takes chair. Morris and Matt sit.) 

PATTY: —Have you learned anything, Daddy? 

Morris —Only this: Mr. King and Andrew are old 
acquaintances—knew each other in the war. I find them 
engaged in conversation as I enter the room. 

Patty —Oh! 

Matt —Mr. Morris, I confess this looks queer—not 
only queer but blamed suspicious. It puts old Andy and 
myself in a tight box. But I’ll ferret this thing out and 
if given a free hand, I’ll find that ring, or —or—go to 
prison. Do I get a chance? 

Morris—H ow do I know you are on the square? 

Matt —You don’t know it. But you’ll just have to be 
a sport, and take a chance. 

Morris —By George, I’m game. I’ll promise you a 
square deal. 

Matt —Let’s go. When was this ring last seen, Miss 
Morris ? 

Patty—T he last time I distinctly remember having 





22 


Climbin' Through 


seen it wap when I looked in my purse to see that nothing 
had been taken out. 

Matt—D id you put it back in the purse? 

Patty—( studying ) No—I believe I put it here on 

the table (pointing) — right here. 

Matt— (Gets up and goes to table) Right here? 
(Points to spot.) 

Patty —Yes, right there. 

(Matt puts hands in pockets. Looks at place where 
ring was placed. Pulls chair to position occupied by him 
the night before as Patty examined purse. He looks up 
at vase on mantel, then at the table.) 

Matt —And you say the ring was gone when you 
came to look for it later? 

Patty—Y es. 

Matt —Did any person leave the house besides my¬ 
self and the sheriff? 

Morris—N o. 

Matt—A ndy, did you see this ring when you were 
closing up the joint—the—the—house, for the night? 

Andrew—N o, sir. 

Matt —Funny. Well, we will eliminate the cop. I 
know blamed well I didn’t get it, so—but where is it? 
That’s all we want to know—where is it? 

Patty —Yes—where is it? 

Morris —Where is it? 

Matt— It must be here—in this room. Has the girl 
swept in here, yet? 

Patty— (stepping to door R.) Maysie. Come here, 
please. 

(Enter Maysie with duster.) 

Maysie—W hat is it, ma’am? 

Patty —Have you swept in here yet? 

% 

Maysie—N o, ma’am, not yet. (Exit. She remains 
just outside the door R., and occasionally peeps in.) 




Climbin’ Through 


23 


(Enter Aunt Alice, hair done up tightly in paper 
curlers.) 

Aunt A.— Well, have you found it? 

Morris—N ot yet. 

Aunt —And you won’t find it—not here. You better 
let me notify the police. 

Morris— Not yet. 

Aunt A.—Nathan Morris, you’re the easiest mark I 
ever saw. 

Patty— Have patience, Aunty, have patience. 

Aunt A.—Patience! Patience!! Believe me that’s 
all you will have if you don’t do something pretty soon. 
(Sits in chair.) 

Matt —( walks to mantel and picks up vase. Looks 
inside. Turns it upside down. Looks at bottom.. Opens 
mouth in astonishment, unseen by others. Places vase on 
mantel. This particular part of the action can be simpli¬ 
fied greatly by sticking a ring on the bottom of the vase 
before the rise of curtain, but the vase must be placed' 
in the designated positions, in order to make it appear 
that the ring accidentally adhered to it.) Mr. Morris, 
did you ever read this Sherlock Holmes stuff; all about 
the theory of deduction, and so forth? 

Morris—S ome. 

Matt—W ell, we are going to adopt his methods of 
solving deep mysteries. 

Patty— What do you mean? 

Matt—I will place myself in other people’s shoes 
and endeavor to act as they would be apt to act in certain 
circumstances. 

Morris — -(grimly) We’re waiting. 

Matt—I will assume that your maid chews gum. 

(Enter Maysie.) 

Maysie — (excitecU,y) Miss Patty, do you suspicion 

me? 

Matt— Now, you mustn’t spoil the show. But, tell 







24 


Climbin’ Through 


me, you do chew gum, dqn’t you? 

Maysie— ( hesitating ) Ye-s-s, sir. 

Matt— All right. And you were chewing gum last 
evening when you tidied up this room? 

Maysie—I—I— guess I was. 

Matt— And you saw this box of chocolates here on 
the table and decided you wanted some. ( Suddenly he 
points his finger at Maysie.) Didn’t you? 

Maysie— {jumps) Uh, huh. Yes, sir, I did. 

Aunt A.— What’s all this nonsense about? Nathan, 
you better have that window watched. He’s playing for 
time. 

(Morris shakes his head at her and looks at Matt, 
nodding his head for him to proceed.) 

Matt —And you put the gum right here. ( Points to 
place on table where he placed vo.se to write description.) 

Mayste—I believe I did, sir. 

Matt— {with confidence) Sure you did. Later, aft¬ 
er I had been barred from coming in the regular way, I 
climbed through the window there, came to this mantel, 
thus, ( demonstrates) picked up the vase, like this, set it 
on the table here. Miss Morris comes in and finds me. 
Mr. Morris and Aunt Alice came later and also the sher¬ 
iff. Miss Morris examines her purse, finds her ring 0. 
K. and lays it here {points). Then I pick up the vase 
and set it down again—right here over the ring. Isn’t it 
simple ? 

Patty —You mean— 

Matt —Exactly. First I set the vase on the gum— 
it sticks to the bottom—then I set it on the ring—the 
ring adheres to the gum, and—presto {holds up the vase, 
and, showing the ring, pulls it off and hands it to Patty) 
Here is the ring. 

Morris —Well, I’ll be churned into butter! 

Patty — {runs to Matt, takes ring and examines) 
Sure enough. 






Climbin' Through 


25 


Andrew —Sure enough! 

Maysie—T here’s my gum! I thought sure it was 
gone. ( Takes gum. Exit R.) 

Aunt A.— ( curling her nose ) Grand stand stuff! 
{Exit. R.) 

Morris —King, would you mind telling how in the 
deuce you figured that out? 

Matt —Easiest thing in the world. It was simply a 
case of reacting the little details in last night’s adventure, 
and as I have a habit of observing and remembering little 
details, it came out very naturally. And then, besides, 
Mr. Morris, i had to find that ring or lose my job—the 
job you promised me, you know. 

Morris—I see. Well, you don’t lose it. 

Matt —Thank you. 

Patty—I want to thank you, Mr. King. You have 
caused me a great deal of happiness. 

Matt—I am well paid, Miss Morris. 

Patty—A nd now, I must go. Excuse me, please. 

M ATT—Cer tainly. 

(As Patty goes out R., Matt looks after her.) 

Morris —Well, King—I guess I’ll call you Matt—it 
comes easier. 

Matt—T hat suits me. 

MORRIS—Andrew, you may order the car. 

(Andrew bows. Exit R.) 

Morris —I believe you are the fellow I’ve been look¬ 
ing for. I want someone I can depend on, and you have 
proved pretty conclusively that you are dependable. I 
want to be able to loosen the reins a little and take it 
easy. 

Matt —I’ll sure be glad to step into the harness. 

(Honk of auto off stage.) 

Morris —There’s the car, now. Must have been 
waiting for the order. Let’s go down to the office. 





26 


Climbin' Through 


{Enter Maysie, 'placing books on table.) 

{Andrew enters and gets coats and hats for Morris 
and Matt.) 

Matt — {taking coat) Andrew, I can’t get used to 
having you wait on me. I’ll put this on myself. 

Morris —You know the editorial policy of The Globe, 
don’t you? 

Matt—I don’t believe I do. 

Morris —Well, above all else, it’s conservative—anti- 
Socialist—anti-Bolshevist—antiunion. 

Matt —Yes, sir. I get you, 

{Exeunt. Morris and Matt, L.) 

Maysie —Andy, who is this fellow, King? You seem 
to know him. 

Andrew —He’s the hardest worker, the hardest 
fighter and the hardest talker on two legs. He got his 
name, “Climbin’ Through” while overseas. When he was 
given an order, that order was executed, no matter what 
he had to climb through, and he never stopped until it 
was executed. Why, if his captain, which was myself 
(throws out his chest), had ordered him to go to Berlin 
and get the Kaiser’s mustache—well—the Kaiser would 
have been smooth-faced—that’s all. And he also is one 
of the strongest union men in seventeen states—always 
ready with a speech—a trifle radical, I would say—not 
quite a Bolshevist. 

Maysie—I see trouble ahead. 

Andrew —So do I. I’ll tell you a secret. Will you 
keep it? 

Maysie —Cross my heart. {Goes through motions.) 
Anyway, we mustn’t have secrets from each other, now, 
you know. 

{Patty appears at door R., unseen by Maysie and 
Andrew.) 

Andrew —He’s scheduled to address the car-men’s 
union tonight, on “Government Ownership,” 




Climbin' Through 


27 


(Patty steps into room.) 

Patty —Of whom are you speaking, Andrew? 

(Andrew and Maysie are startled. Andrew hesi¬ 
tates.) 

Patty — {firmly) Tell me. 

Andrew —Mr. Matthew King. 

Patty—T hen he is what you might call a radical— 
a dangerous citizen. 

Andrew —I don’t know as to that, ma’am, but— 

(Doorbell rings. Maysie goes to door and admits 
Mrs. Quigley.) 

Patty—G ood morning, Mrs. Quigley. 

Mrs. Q.—Good morning. I have something to show 
you, Miss Morris. 

Patty —Very well. 

Mrs. Q.— ( producing photograph from her pocket) 
Who does that look like, Miss? 

Patty —■( taking photo) Why—why it resembles 

Mr. King. Doesn’t it, Andrew? 

Andrew —( gazing at photo) I believe it does. 

Mrs. Q.—Resembles ? I should say it does resemble! 
It’s a dead likeness. 

Patty—W ho is it? 

Mrs. Q.—It’s him. His real name is Michael Levin- 
ski, and he’s wanted in Philadelphy for tossin’ a bomb. 

Patty —( sinking into chair.) Oh! 

CURTAIN 


i 




28 


Climbin’ Through 


ACT III. 

Scene—-Next day. Editorial office of The Globe. 
Desk and. tivo or three chairs. MoM seated at desk, back 
to door C., ■writing. He writes busily for a few moments 
after rise of curtain. 

(Enter Patty and Aunt Alice.) 

Matt— ( rising ) Good, morning, ladies. Won’t you 
be seated? 

(They take chairs. Matt resumes seat and begins 
to rorite again.) 

Patty—Y ou must be busy this morning. 

Matt--Y es, I am. 

Aunt A.— (to Patty) I’d think he’d be civil, at 
least, when ladies call. 

Patty —Aunt Alice, don’t be cross. 

Matt —I beg your pardon, but Mr. Morris has given 
me some work to attend to, and it must be done. 

Patty —Certainly. But we have only a moment. I 
came to deliver a message from father. 

Matt —Why, what’s the matter? Is he ill? 

Patty —Not exactly; but he decided to stay at home 
for a while—just a headache, you know. 

Matt —I’m sorry to hear it. 

(Aunt Alice rises and, walks out door C.) 

Patty —He wants yon to get hold of the speech made 
before the car-men’s union last night, on “Government 
Ownership,” and tear it to pieces in an editorial. Make 
it snappy, he says. 

(Matt looks bewildered. Puts hand to head.) 

Patty—W hy do you hesitate? 

Matt—P m afraid I’m not the one to do this. 

Patty— (with knowing smile) You should be able 
to give it a good write-up. 

Matt—W hy do you say that? 




Climbin' Through 


20 


c 


Patty—Y ou made the speech, didn’t you? 

Matt—( quickly ) Who told you that? 

Patty—A little bird—the same little bird that 
brought me this photograph. (Shows him the picture.) 
Do you reeognize it? 

Matt—I can’t say that I do—but—why, I believe it 
looks a little like me—blamed if it doesn’t. 

Patty—D o you deny that it is your photograph? 

Matt—W hy, certainly. It’s not my photograph. 

Patty—H ow can you expect me to believe you? I’d 
like to, but you admit making that speech don’t you ? 

Matt—I do. 

Patty—B ut you deny the picture? 

Matt —(Walks over ancl faces Patty ) Miss Morris, 
do you see this ear? (.Puts finger to right ear.) 

Patty—Y es, I see it. 

Matt—I t’s all there, isn’t it? 

Patty—W hy—yes. 

Matt —(takes photo ancl points) See that right ear 9 
The lower half has been shot away, cut away, sawed 
away, or chewed away—anyhow, it’s away. And I know, 
and so do you, that ears do not grow back when they’ve 
been away. But mine are here—both of them. (Pulls 
ears.) 

Patty— (ready to cry) Oh, how stupid of me not 
to have noticed it myself. Mr. King, can you ever for¬ 
give me for suspecting so much evil of you? 

Matt—I f it will help matters any, Miss Morris, I 
could forgive you for almost anything. Sav, I’ll bet that 
female cop stirred up that mess, didn’t she? 

Patty—Y es—she did. 

Matt— (smiling) She has to do something, I sup¬ 
pose. Well, you may assure your father that I will at¬ 
tend to that speech. 

PATTY:—All right. I’ll be going now. Good day. 

Matt—G ood day. 





30 


Climbin' Through 


-5 


(Exit Patty C. Matt longs long and wistfully at 
the door.) 

Matt —( walking the floor) Why, oh, why did I 
ever let myself in for such a mess? Well, I'll just have to 
climb through it, that’s all, and rip my own speech to 
bits. I‘m working for The Globe today. But how did she 
learn of my speech? Evidently she didn’t tell her father, 
for if she had, I would be walking the street by this time 
in search of employment. Therefore, it’s up to me to get- 
busy. ( Sits at desk.) 

(Enter Grimes, the walking delegate.) 

Matt— ( turning ) Good morning, Grimes. 

Grimes—( gruffly ) Morning. 

{Matt resumes writing.) 

Grimes—K ing, that was an elegant speech you made 
last night. 

(No reply.) 

Grtmes —It’s goin’ to get a big write-up in the pa¬ 
pers, believe me. 

(Pause. No reply from Matt.) 

Grimes — (walking to front of desk and looking at 
Matt) What’s the matter with you this morning? Lost 
your tongue? 

Matt — (leaning back in chair) Grimes I’m busy as 
a humming bird just now, and if you have anything in 
particular to sav, get it out of your system, and move on. 

Grimes —Gee! But you’re important all at once. 
Why, you’ve had this job for less than two days and you 
think you run the paper. 

Matt —I’m running it this morning. That’s why 
I’m so busy. 

Grimes —It looks mighty queer to me that you’d 
work on this paper—the worst enemy the workin’ man’s 
got in the whole state. 

Matt—T hat’s my business, too. 

Grimes —Oh, is it? Well, I’ll say what I came to 




Climbin’ Through 


31 


say, and get on oat where it’s more congenial. 

Matt—S hoot. 

Grimes—W ell, there’s liable to be a big strike called 
this very day, by all the milk drivers in the city. . 

Matt—W hy, that’s news to me. I hadn’t heard there 
was any trouble. 

Grimes—T here wasn’t till now. 

Matt—W hat’s up? 

Grimes—W ell, there is a dispute on between the 
dealers and drivers, and we held a mass meeting a while 
ago, and I advised them to strike right now, and teach 
them dealers a lesson. 

Matt—B ut, heavens, man! Is this fair? 

Grimfs—F air! Anything’s fair in war. And there 
is alv/ays war between labor and capital. 

Matt—B ut think of the babies. Why, it would 
mean death to hundreds of them. And this is such short 
notice. 

Grimes—( leering ) Say, King, are you gettin’ yel¬ 
low? 

Matt— ( rising ) If you call it yellow to argue the 
cause of innocent babies—babies who ask nothing but a 
chance to live—if that’s yellow, then I’m yellow to the 
core. 

Grimes—( angrily ) Listen to me. All along we’ve 
been thinkin’ you was on the square with the boys. Now, 
I want to know—are you with us or against us? 

Matt—I am with you and the boys, or anybody who 
works, as long as you play the game—but I won’t help 
fight babies. 

Grtmes—W ell, I’m cornin’ back after a while, and 
maybe you’ll see the light by that time. 

Matt—V ery well. You’ll, find me right here. 

(Exit Grimes, C .) 

Matt — (sitting doum to write ) Yellow! That’s the 
first time in my young life anybody ever hinted that I 




32 


Climbin' Through 


was yellow. Well, a yellow dog does fight sometimes. 
(Writes.) 

(Enter Morris , C. Matt, with his back to the door, 
does not turn. Morris walks up behind him, looks over 
his shoulder and peers at paper.) 

Matt— (finally turning) Why, Mr. Morris. I 
thought you were under the weather today. 

Morris — (gruffly) Well, I’m not. 

Matt— (looking up quickly) Miss Patty just told 
me you had decided to stay in today. 

Morris—I had. But I had occasion to change my 
mind. 

(Matt maintains silence.) 

Morris — (after short pause) Well, why don’t you 
ask me why I changed my mind? 

Matt—I don’t consider it any of my business. 

Morris —Right you are. Well, to get down to brass 
tacks: what’s this I hear about you making that speech 
last night before that crowd of radicals, the car-men? I 
consider that some of my business. 

Matt— (calmly) I don’t know why you should. 

Morris — (angrily) You don’t? Well, aren’t you 

working for me? 

Matt —I am now. I was not last night. 

Morris—A nd you won’t be tonight, either. 

Matt —Very well. It’s up to you, of course. You 
own this paper, Mr. Morris, but you don’t own me. I 
give an employer all I have when I’m working, and I keep 
his interests in mind when off duty, but my mind is my 
own and (pounds desk) I retain the right to believe as I 
want to and to express mv sentiments in anv wav I see 
fit. 

Morris —Well, you can’t get out and work to destroy 
the principles of my paper at night, and work for me 
during the day. When I sent Patty down here to have 
you criticize that speech, I didn’t know you had made it. 






Climbin’ Through 


33 


I’ll bet you would have made a fool of me if I hadn’t dis¬ 
covered the error when I did. 

Matt —You are wrong in your deduction. I had 
just started on it when you came in. While I put on my 
hat, you might glance over it and see what I did to mj^ 
speech—while working for you. 

(Morris jerks paper from desk and reads, while Matt 
puts on coat and hat. Matt is ready to go out when Mor¬ 
ris calls.) 

Morris—W ait. (Matt stops.) Did you write this? 

Matt—S ure, I wrote it. What do you think of it? 

Morris —What do I think of it? Matt, my boy, f 
want to beg your pardon for my exhibition of temper a 
moment ago. I might have known you could criticize 
your own speech better than I. Why, you’ve torn it to 
rags. (Offers his hand , and Matt takes it.) Will you 
pardon me? 

Matt—S ure. 

Morris —Hang up your coat and hat. Hereafter, I 
shall trust you; and if you want to go out and argue for 
government ownership, or any of your rotten theories, 
g 0 to it—but come on back and rip ’em to pieces for The 
Globe’s editorial page. Now, while you finish it, I’m go¬ 
ing into mv private room and read a letter or two. (Exit 

R.) 

Matt — (walking the floor) Something must be 
done about that strike. It would be a crime against hu¬ 
manity. (Meditates.) I know what 111 do. 111 get the 
District Attorney to get out an injunction and then when 
Grimes comes. I’ll hold him until the time is ripe, and it’s 
too late to call the strike. (Goes to phone.) Hello. * * 
Hemlock 21-9-6. * * Hello, Mr. Langdon’s office? * * 
This is King, of The Globe , speaking. * * Get him on 
the phone, at once. * * This is urgent. * * No, in 
fifteen minutes it will be too late. * * NO! You get 
Mr. Langdon, NOW—I don’t care if he is busy—or to¬ 
morrow there will be another girl chewing gum in your 



i n 





34 


Climbin' Through 


place. {During this conversation, at this point the knob 
on door at right begins to rattle. This is repeated at fre¬ 
quent intervals.) Hello. Langdon? * * This is King, 
of The Globe. * * K-I-N-G—King. * * Well, it does¬ 
n’t matter who I am or whence I came, but I want you to 
get an injunction restraining the milk drivers from strik¬ 
ing. And— * * What? * * Oh, I know you haven’t 
heard of it, but you will in about three hours, if you don’t 
stop it, * * Tommorrow WILL NOT DO. * * Get it 
now and investigate tomorrow. * * Yes, The Globe will 
stand back of you. * * Thanks. Goodbye. ( Hangs up.) 

(Pounding on door R. Matt looks at door question- 
ingly. The pounding is repeated. Matt goes to door and 
opens it. Morris comes out, puffing.) 

Morris—I never can remember to have that door 
fixed. When you get inside you can’t get out. That’s 
one reason I wanted someone here in this office—so that 
they could let me out. I guess I’ll call a man and have it 
fixed right now. 

Matt—I t wouldn’t be a bad idea. —No, wait. Don’t 
have it fixed—yet. 

Morris—W hy—what— 

Matt—L eave it to me. I’ll have it fixed. 

Morris-—O h, well—all right. (Aside.) Now, I won¬ 
der what’s up. (To Matt.) Well, I’m going down the 
street a while. Young fellow this is a relief—to be able 
to step out once in a while. 

Matt—G o on and enjoy yourself. The Globe will 
be out on time, as usual. 

Morris —(putting on hat) I’m not worrying. 
(Exit C.) 

Matt—N ow, for a scoop. (Sits at desk and wntes, 
reading as he writes ) “Nipped. Strike of Milk Drivers 
Stopped by District Attorney. Lives of Babies Saved by 
Prompt Action.” (Enter Patty, C .) (Matt does not 
look up. She comes to desk.) 

Patty— ( breathlessly ) Mr. King, I just heard some- 




Climbin' Through 


35 


thing. I was coming up the street, and— 

Matt—( handing paper to her ) Here—rush this to 
the composing room. ( Turns to desk.) 

Patty—( haughtily ) Mr. King, I am no employe, 
and I am not accustomed to taking orders around here. 

Matt—( over his shoulder) You will be, if you stay 
long enough. 

Patty—( starts to throw paper to floor. Reads) 
What is this? Strike. 

Matt—( rises from chair and jerks paper from her) 
You can read this in the paper this evening. (Exit L.) 

Patty— (Sinking in chair) Well, of all the nerve! 

I wonder what he thinks he is. I never saw such a man. 
(Laughs.) He ought to get some place. Inside of a week, 

I suppose he will be ordering Dad around—just like that. 

Matt— (entering L.) Miss Morris, you will pardon 
my apparent rudeness, but we have a big story breaking, 
and it’s almost press time. But we’ll make it for the noon 
edition, and it’s a big scoop. I have the star reporter 
working on the write-up now. Oh, yes, you started to 
tell me something, and I interrupted you. What was it? 

Patty—I should beg your pardon. I realize you are . 
working for the interest of the paper. As I came up the 
street I saw two men talking, and as I passed, I chanced 
to hear one man say: “We’ve got to watch out for King. 
He’s double-crossing us.” 

Matt—T hank you, Miss Morris. It’s nothing ser¬ 
ious. But it pleases me that you took that much interest 
in me. 

Patty — (going to door C.) It might please you to 
know that you are a very interesting man. (Exit.) 

Matt — (stands motionless, looking at door) Why 
—why—what— (icalks excitedly) I wonder if— Oh, it 
can’t be she meant that the way it sounded. But—well— 
OH, BOY! 

(Enter Grimes, C. He looks at Matt menacingly. 





1 


36 


Climbin' Through 


Matt looks him steadily in the eye. Grimes sits in chair 
and Matt sits on desk.) 

Grimes—W ell? 

Matt— Well, yourself. 

Grimes—H ave you gone to press yet? 

Matt —Just going—for the noon edition. 

Grimes— You’ll have a good story for the late 
edition. 

Matt—Y es ? 

Grimes— Yes. The strike will be called at noon. 

Matt—I don’t believe it will. 

Grimes— Why don’t you believe it? Do you think 
we’re as yellow as you are? 

Matt—M ore so. 

Grimes— What do you mean? 

Matt—I mean that any bunch of men, who pull a 
stunt like this, are cowards—the blackest of cowards. 
And the public won’t stand for it. 

Grimes—T he public has to stand for it. 

Matt—Y ou’ll see. 

(Footsteps and voices at door C.) 

Grimes—W ho is that? 

Matt— The District Attorney, probably—I’m expect¬ 
ing him. Step in there. (Pomts to door R.) 

(Grimes goes out door R. and Matt closes it.) 

(Enter Morris hurriedly.) 

Morris—H ave you gone to press? 

Matt— Going now. 

Morris— There’s a big story breaking. Stop the 
presses. 

Matt—W e have it. 

Morris—I mean about the strike. 

Matt—Y es. 

Morris—H ow did you get it? 




Climbin' Through 


37 


Matt —I got the District Attorney busy, then got 
busy myself. I had him get out the injunction. 

Morris —{dropping in chair and fanning with hat) 
Well—I’ll be smothered. 

(Knob on door R . is rattled. Morris looks at door, 
then at Matt. Matt winks knowingly.) 

Matt—T he story is all in type and we’ll have a 
scoop—and a big one. 

Morris—A nd you started this? 

Matt—I stopped it. I phoned Langdon and got him 
busy and the strike is off. 

{Door knob R. is rattled violently.) 

Morris — {pointing at door) Who is in there? 

Matt — {smiling) An old friend of mine. 

(Enter, Tatty and Aunt Alice, accompanied by Sher¬ 
iff Mrs. Quigley.) 

Patty —Mr. King, the officer wishes a word with you. 

Mrs. Q. — {recognizing Matt) Oh, they caught you, 
didn’t they? 

Morris —You bet, we caught him.—and we’re holding 
him, too. 

Mrs. Q. —Is this Mr. King? 

Morris—T hat’s Matthew King. 

Mrs. Q.—Can you tell me the whereabouts of John 
Grimes ? 

Matt—I can. 

Mrs. Q.—I want him. 

Maty—Y ou’re welcome to him. 

{Enter Andrew and Maysie , Maysie chewing gum. 
They stand timidly near door C.) 

Patty —Well, what is the meaning of all this? 

Andrew—W e have something to tell you. 

Aunt Alice—A nother strike, I suppose. 

Patty—G o on, and tell us. 




38 


Climbin’ Through 


(Andrew whispers to Maysie.) 

Maysie —We have decided to get married and would 
like the afternoon off. 

Morris —Sure thing. Go ahead. 

Andrew' —Thank you, sir. 

Matt—W ait a moment, Andy. 

Andrew —Very well, Sarg— Mr. King. 

Matt—I want to go along and buy you a little pres¬ 
ent. 

Mrs. Q.—Well, where is Grimes? 

Matt —Oh, yes. Right here. (•Goes to door R. and 
opens it. Grimes comes out.) He couldn’t get the door 
open, I guess. 

Grimes —What’s the matter with that door? The 
knob won’t turn on the other side. 

Morris—I must have that fixed at once. 

Matt —It’s a good thing you forgot it, Mr. Morris. 
It has helped us considerably. 

Morris—I t surely has. 

Mrs. Q.—John Grimes, I have a warrant for your 
arrest. 

Grimes — (defiantly) On what charge? 

Mrs. Q.—Conspiring against the public welfare. 
Shall I read it to you? 

Grimes—N o. 

•Mrs. Q.—Mr. King, you are wanted as a witness, so 
you win please come with us. 

Matt —Certainly. (Gets hat.) Sorry, Andy, I’ll 

see you later. 

Morris —Before you go, Matt, I want to say a word. 

Matt—I’ m listening. 

(Exit Mrs. Q. and Grimes.) 

Morris— Beginning tomorrow morning, you are the 
Editor in Chief of The Globe. 







Climbin’ Through 


39 


(Matt stands speechless.) 

Patty —(walks to him and offers her hand) Mr. 
Matthew King, you have climbed through a great many 
obstacles, and I wish to congratulate you upon being 
chosen Editor in Chief of the Globe. Do you accept? 

Matt —(retaining her hand) I do. And when I 
have made good, as I intend doing, I have something very 
important to ask you. (Goes toiuard door C.) 

Patty—M r. King. 

Matt —(turning at door) What is it? 

Patty —Why the delay? 

(Andrew salutes Matt, Aunt Alice turns to audience 
and curls up her nose.) 


CURTAIN 








vs 


New Juvenile Entertainments 


A-B-C-Capers 

By Soemple. Here is an attractive and novel number 
for the Primary Grades or Kindergarten. Little Tim’s 
despair in not being able to master letters is turned 
to keen interest by the antics of the alphabet troupe. 
Plays about 20 minutes. Price, 25c. 

Emily’s Dream 

By Mary Frix Kidd. This is the story of a Geogra¬ 
phy lesson, which, instead of being irksome, was, 
through the medium of a Good Fairy, made very in¬ 
teresting. This is done by presenting a Geographical 
Pageant. For a large number of children, who pre¬ 
sent drills, exercises, etc., in costumes of different 
nations. Time, about 1 hour. Price, 25c. 

The Love Flower 

By Bell Elliott Palmer. A very pretty exercise for 6 
or 10 girls and 1 boy. Suitable for Children’s Day or 
Easter, and can be given either in or out of doors. 
Time, 10 minutes. Price, 15c. 

The Silver Sandals 

By Banche Thompson. Ths is a charming new play 
for 6 boys, 5 girls, fairies, peasants, attendants, etc. 
The Princess is downhearted and refuses to be con¬ 
soled. The fiddler plays, peasants do folk-dances, fai¬ 
ries drill, t - not until sbe gets the silver sandals is 
she contented. Plays 1 hour or more. Price, 25c. 

When Betty Saw the Pilgrims 

By Margaret Howard. A pretty story showing how 
dissatisfied Betty was cured by her mother, who tells 
the story of the hardships of the Pilgrims, which is 
illustrated by ten tableaux. Large numbers of chil¬ 
dren can be used. Plays about 30 minutes. Price, 
25c. 

Princess Rosy Cheeks 

By Effie Sammond Balph. A “good health” play for 
children, which is very impressive. Introduces Fresh 
Air Fairies, Soap and Water Fairies, Tooth Brush 
Brigade, Food Fairies, Rest Fairies, and others. Good- 
sized cast required with two older children. Plays 
about 1 hour. Price, 35c. 

Queen Loving Heart 

By Jean Ross. A splendid children’s play, teaching 
many good lessons. A pretty story of tbe crowning of 
Loving Heart, her capture by the Indians and sub¬ 
sequent release, because of her kindness. Can be used 
for May Day play. 11 speaking parts, Indians, etc. 
Plays about 45 minutes. Price, 25c. 


Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 

944 S. Logan St. 


1 ) 













- ->. .- ■ ' » N 

Some Bright New 

Christmas Material 


First Aid to Santa 

By Ethel Sexton. A mighty bright playlet for 3 boys, 

2 girls and 10 acting dolls (girls and boys). Plays 30 * 
or 40 minutes. Price, 25c. 

The Christmas Chain 

By Lillian Pearson. A pretty sketch for 14 or more 
children. The Christmas Angei shows her complete 
Christmas Chain to two selfish sisters with happy re¬ 
sults. Plays about 20 minutes. Price 25c. 

How the Christmas Song Was Found 

By Lillian Pearson. A simp’e, hut beautiful sketch 
for any nunber of children, 12 required. Shows the 
real spirit of Christmas and tells how the glad 
Christmas song was found. Time, 20 lO 30 minutes. 
For day schools or church entertainments. Price 25c. 

Mr. Richey Changes His Mind 

By Lee Owen Snook. Story of a crabbed, wealthy 
employer and how at Christmas time the memory of 
hie mother changed his attitude toward his employes 
from that of a “driver” to a considerate comrade. An 
unes pected romance develops. 4 males, 4 females, 
and atlrsrs, cither high school or adults. Plays about 
20 minutes. Price, 25c. 


The Little Stranger 


A moving picture Christmas play, by Edna Randolph 
Worrell. This is really a pantomime, the different 
scenes being either announced or shown on screen by 
stereopticcn. 4 scenes “The Night Before Christ¬ 
mas Horne cf Orphan Children,” “The Little Stran¬ 
ger at the Door,” “The Little Stranger Entertains,” 
“Christmas Morning.” A pretty entertainment for 
any number of children. Plays abcufc 30 minutes. 25c. 

Ten Good Christmas Pantomimes 

By Ethel Eldridge. A collection that will add novelty 
and effectiveness to your program. Specific direc¬ 
tions fer pantomiming some well-known hymns, songs 
and recitations—“Silent Night,” .“Little Town of 
Bethlehem,” “When Good Old Kris Comes ’Round,” 
“Favorite Carols,” etc. Contains the music also. 40c. 


Eldridge Entertainment House 


FRANKLIN, OHIO 


also 


DENVER, COLO. 
944 S. Logan St. 






























LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



0 016 215 185 A * 

_—z ■ ■ - 

Money-Making Entertainment Novelties 
for Church, School or Lodge 

Miss Nibbs 9 Novelty Shop 

By Alta Becker. This is a novel and humorous en¬ 
tertainment, introducing; ’Liza Ann, Miss Nibbs, two 
traveling salesmen, shoppers, mechanical dolls and 
mechancal maid of all work. A good little stunt where 
a short, clean, humorous number is desired. Plays 
about 30 minutes. Price, 25c. 

The Brightvilie Indoor Chautauqua 

By Bessie Baker and Nellie Hanna. Here is a brand 
new idea for an evening’s entertainment. It is in 5 
parts, each, part representing a day at Chautauqua. 

Gives wide scope for introduction of large cast and 
many specialties. Complete programs suggested as 
follows: Part 1, Chautauqua Concert Company; Part 
2, Living Pictures; Part 3, Musical Entertainers; 

Part 4, Farmers’ Night; Part 5, Coonville Jubilee 
Singers. Price, 35c. 

Sorepaw & Fells Indoor Circus 

By Margaret S. Bridge and Margaret H. Hahn. The 
Grand Annex' and Musee, Freaks, Curiosities and 
Monstrosities, never were in it with the marvelous, 
amazing, mystifying array outlined in its pages. Ar¬ 
tistic, ambling, agile, ’andsome acrobats; cajoling, 
cadaverous, costly, curious, cunning clowns; Hee- 
Shee, the Monkey Girl of Yucatan; all of these and 
many others will be seen in the Big Peerade before 
the show starts, ladies and gentlemen. Keep to the 
right—don’t crowd. Price, 25c. 

As Ye Sew 

A “talking doll” missionary play by Dorothy Crich¬ 
ton. A lot of fun and some wholesome lessons are 
contained in the conversation of the dolls who dis¬ 
cuss the motives of their donors. Splendid for Young 
People’s or Missionary Societies. 10 girls, 1 boy, or 
all girls. Time, 20 minutes. Price, 15c. 

Finding the Key 

A dialog and drill for 10 or 12 girls and boys. Suit¬ 
able for any religious program, but especially for 
Easter. Time, 20 minutes. Deals with problems of 
youth, recreations, etc.; also with those of Commun¬ 
ity Life and the present spirit of Unrest. Interspersed 
with suggested songs. Drill very effective. 25c. 


Eldridge Entertainment House 

FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 


944 3 . Logan St. 













































